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thechronicleofshe:

killbenedictcumberbatch:

standupcomedyblog:

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

I’m crying

like literal tears.

Usually when I say I’m crying on this website, I’m lying and its an emotional exaggeration

but not this time

this time, 

its real

i am gonna get ripped tomorrow im gonna mow the lawn which is a work out bc we have a relatively large lawn and the mower is fking HEAVY also im gonna use the ellyptical im gonna sweat so much tbh im pumped 2 stay hydrated

pulpfanfiction:


nayx:

Print it.  Fuck it.

am i supposed to laugh at “print it. fuck it.” or the fact that the dude is the fucking same guy as the little advertisement in the same position im so confused

pulpfanfiction:

nayx:

Print it.  Fuck it.

am i supposed to laugh at “print it. fuck it.” or the fact that the dude is the fucking same guy as the little advertisement in the same position im so confused

teenageiconophile:

*seduces the president so i can find out the truth about aliens*

radsturbate:

marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than u so they wont eat all of urs